What’s worse than an infant at the bank and another in a rated R movie? Children in Hollywood Video. Let me rephrase: most children in Hollywood Video. The little Kung Fu Panda loving kid and the little six year old who wants to be a marine biologist are exceptions. 

What is wrong with this generation in child raising? I swear, if I was grabbing candy off the shelves and throwing it across the store, my mother would’ve spanked me and thrown me over her shoulder. Parents these days really don’t know how to discipline their children, and it’s gonna result in Nanny 911 overload; it’ll even get it’s own fucking channel! I think I’m going to eventually just start listening to the advice that Josh gave me earlier last night and just, “HIT THAT CHILD!” 

Here’s a list of shit that will make me hit your child:

- Child shaking the case of a loose DVD and fucking it up even more.

- Children screaming and/or crying for a duration longer than ten seconds.

- Your child sitting on my counter.

- Letting your child climb the candy shelves and hang on the glass counters.

- Letting your child run throughout my store.

- Children repetitively banging on the gum-ball machine.

Actually, I’ll just hit your child for the sake of hitting it. You won’t discipline the motherfucker, so somebody has to do it.

The only child I really like is the one who looked me straight in the eye and said, “High School Musical is so gay.”

If your child is annoying, just fucking leave it at home.